Thursday, April 30, 2009

A Modest Proposal

For the happiness of the people, we must eliminate marriage in its entirety. Marriage is the hidden veil that covers the eyes of bride and groom that obscures their view of true reality. (Even if the groom swears that he uncovered her face!)

Marriage is a heinous act of inhumanity that causes detrimental bouts of despair and chaos in our society. Marriage sullies the love and fervor between spouses and causes venial pain to children and relatives. The act of exchanging vows, once thought as an unblemished and flawless act of consummation, now only leads to the defilation of both partners. Marriage in our society today fails to bind two as one eternally. Instead, marriage ties couples to stakes, rendering them helpless. Man and wife are torched by the unforgiving wedding vows-- once spoken out of love; now they crucify both partners through illimitable flames caused by caustic quarreling and defilation of one another. It is a most scurrilous object, marriage is, and it has darkened the doorways of fifty percent of the homes in America. In a situation like this, there seems to be not a slither of light. Alas, there is a white North Star ahead leading to salvation! Salvation is attainable from where the Holy Light is emulating: through the white and pure doors of the ever truthful and undaunted ways of the American courthouse! Millions of Americans in uncomfortable volumes shove impatiently in lines waiting for their case to be heard at the courthouse. These lines are colossal. They are so huge they make the Mississippi look like a trickle. These lines are akin to the size of the line to the Black Friday holiday rush at the local Wal Mart last year. Ah yes, remember the loss of life that occurred because of how frantic people were to buy America’s finest crap? In this case, I am not aware if there are any recorded incidences of in-utero infant fatalities during the push and shove of the masses awaiting their divorce, but we must prevent it from spreading rampantly into unbridled chaos. Marriage is an allusion that people link to happiness, and therefore, the vile trickster must be stopped! Marriage is a clever mirage that tricks not the eye my friends, but the mind. For the sanity of the American people, we must abolish the act of marriage. America must become liberated from the shackles and inhibitions of marriage, or we shall remain enslaved while marriage interrogates us on a pedestal.
I think that it is heavily agreed upon that the number of divorces have been escalating to numbers off the charts. It is of immense suffrage that both members of the marriage go through not to mention their families… and think about the poor children. It is such a vile act that has proven itself as a failure, and it is through this corruption that marriage needs to cease. Failing marriages could never be caused through the fault of the people, because we are all humanistic people that have proclaim such an impeccably high intellectual capacity, however, in which no scientific study has actually declared.

Marriage fails because men and women profess their vows because they were caught in the whiteout caused by the illusion of love. Little do couples know that their unifying kiss at the wedding is really the swap of each other’s venom not the swapping of saliva. This venom slowly poisons both of them. They feel to see this because of love’s most clever ways of hypnosis. The woman falls into a deep romantic trench that she digs herself in because she innately believes she literally is living in a Nora Robert’s romance novel. She feels her heart leap when she thinks about her mate during the heated climax in the Nora Robert’s novel… and she finds herself so in love, which leads her to be diseased by the plague of marriage. And the man was deceived by marriage because of the generous revealing of bust and large hip to chest ratio of his bride. It was her very own sin that lead his eyes away from the truth. This is parallel to how Adam got blamed for the sin because he was completely engaged in the play by Eve, the apple, and the Serpent in a rough game of tackle. Look, even God’s children couldn’t pull of the whole marriage thing. Marriage distorts the reality of people persuading them to think they will be perpetually happy. Really all they have is cupidity and a drive for carnal escapades.

It is my duty to the people of America to provide the dropping of Manna from the sky, two tickets of paradise falling into their hands, the separation of miserable couples. My prevention of impetuous marriage ever occurring again is by banning it. My intention is not only to lift the burden off of men and women and sons and daughters, but also to instill happiness in the lives of the people. If the American people wash their hands clean of marriage, people will be able to sleep with whom ever they want and not get slapped for it! Men and women can live in a world that revolves around humanistic existentialism, a world that is already shaping to be with strong vital signs. Our media today is clobbered with debauchery, our music is crudely bopping promiscuity, and our advertisements are plastered around us, advocating the “feel good” era of today. We must listen and give in to the hypnotic vibes of advertising because what the professionals advocate most certainly determines the consumer’s ideals of the American life. As Nike shoe-company puts it, “Just do it” and Americans are doing just that. Obviously, it is ever so clear that the value of marriage has become nearly obsolete, because our culture has decided along with AT&T wireless that it is better to just “ Reach out and Touch Somebody” than to keep intimate to just one’s spouse. America’s advertisement is propelling the nation forward to become the “new and improved” product out of our Founding Fathers.
America needs to get this change in motion, and I have the solution. This very proposal has taken me years to fully contemplate in its entirety. However, through very careful observation, I rest assured that my proposal will cure the unhappiness of man. I have diligently listened to the suggestions of others, an angry stewpot of indigestion. By the boil of the bile, it seems that even they agree that my proposal wins the roses… and smells like them too.
My proposal is to declare marriage unethical and make it illegal to betroth two people. After a couple gets a successful divorce, they will be deemed untrue because of their failure to abide to the vows they took in wedlock. Since they are considered unfaithful to one another, they will be allowed to date freely everyone deemed free of marriage. Since everyone belongs to every body, the children will be taken care of by multiple caretakers, and will never be neglected. These children will never have to live through the detrimental and stressful effects of mommy and daddy fighting. Children will no longer be forced to endure the pain or feel they are the blame of their parent’s unhappiness. I have computed that the bills of psychologist and therapy would be down significantly. This cut of money would allow the American family to have more money in their pockets. The estimated total would put roughly three thousand dollars back in the average American’s bank account. This added money would help the average American to face the poor economy with greater ease. With money so tight right now, and with marriage success rates so low, why not put an end to marriage? Since a successful marriage is so impossible, why make children grow up exposed to agony and pain? It is time to let go of the fantasy of marriage because we cannot grasp the complexity of it.
Couples free from marriage can for once experience liberation in their hearts. It is very rare that a typical couple actually marries a soul mate. Since millions of people fail to marry the right one and fail to achieve agape love, it is completely logical that marriage should be condemned forever. If marriage fails to occur, people can freely move man to man without any limitation. In such a humanistic and hedonistic world, it only makes sense that the more experimentation the better. In our country, it is all about the sex. It is all about the carnal pleasures that rise to a mountaintop; those are the mates that are searched far and wide for. No longer is America concerned about good values or trust in a mate. For a country vouching for heated pleasure, why not ban the restraints of marriage? Marriage is a limitation that puts barriers on what one can and cannot do. People in today’s world do not like to be told that they have limits because they believe that they are in charge. Let’s make them! Since there are already thousands of affairs that occur in America annually, why not break the ties of marriage forever!
The benefits to my proposal are endless and they roll on and on like the mighty waters of our earth. First, it would allow happiness be returned to the dismal lives of the people. Like a barren infertile crescent now, America would become a rich and lively land sparking with rebirth with the help of my proposal.
Secondly, the lives of the children and relatives would be free from the detrimental effects of divorce and its aftermath. Children would not grow up traumatized and severely impacted because of the scarring experience of hearing their parent’s yell and verbally mutilate one another. The pain would be eliminated for both man and wife. The tears would cease, the guilt would cease, and sin would once be encouraged. We as human beings are already built to satisfy our cupidity, we should finally give in to our every primal and carnal desire. It is our instinct and it is who we have become today. It is time we start listening to our wants and not our morals.
Thirdly, it would eliminate the millions of cases where couples believe they have found their soul mate. Most people get married thinking that their lives will be utter bliss because they have found their mate, which they will show unconditional love to. Little do they know that he/she was really living next door! Most Americans lack faithfulness, so even those who have found their soul mate fail to actually realize it.
I cannot conjure up a good reason of why this proposal would be rejected. Through listening to various raps and viewing many sultry movies and videos on the big screen, it seems that America is screaming promiscuity. The value of marriage keeps falling in perfect synchrony with the America dollar, and we are in need of some great change. People no longer have values and respect for one another, so it has become the only point of resolution for me to encourage this proposal to be passed. The only complaint would most likely come from the psychologists and people who serve for the court. Their lack of revenue may cause a few scowls and glowers at my proposal, but I would also tell them that their hair would gray at a much slower rate with the lack of stressful divorce cases. Think about how much money spent in hair dye they would save! In all seriousness, I strongly encourage man to cherish the beauty in life not what he can get out of it. Sometimes the most precious thing to hold is the fragile body of a precious infant that was created through the love of two people. The very love that created that baby will still be needed throughout that child’s life. Marriage is what really should be a life affirming, beautiful, and hallowed blessing that man is lucky enough to be given. Marriage should not be rushed or forced, it should be the contract between two lovers that never ends. Marriage is binding two people into a coalition, into one body in this life and the next. Without this special bond, there would be no one to cleave onto. And a world like that is exactly the path that we are heading to.
I profess, with all the love in my heart, that I would not benefit at all from this proposal for I am one who has found the impossible, who has found a love that is so life- affirming, I could burst into tears. Alas, my country feels such misery. I propose this documentation so that the rest of the world can taste a sliver of happiness. Happiness that I’m blessed on this earth to have.